Thursday, July 08, 2004

Forever yours, John

Does anyone see the problem with having an all-John, all-of-the-time presidential ticket? I do. It's name tyranny. Just like Latinos who name their kids Jesus and Muslims who name their kids Mohammed, these two John's are trying to subtlely (or not so subtlely!) get out the message that John is the name that rules...literally. It is also promoting the stereotype that all Johns are thin, shaggy-headed, high-speakin' rich folks who ought to be respected and feared.

If the John power-duo wins, don't be surprised if the Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense, and White House Chief of Staff are all Johns. Heads of agriculture, education, communications, EPA - Johns. Press secretary - a John. The secret service agents surrounding the presidential twosome - all Johns. White House interns, both men and women - you get the picture.

Not only will other names be eventually be undervalued and even disregarded, but the master plan would be to phase out all other namage. John would be the only name that counts. Why would you choose any other name when the only one that carries a positive connotation is John? This would lead not only to a form of authoritarian social tyranny, but a helluva a lot of confusion in the country in general.

So...before you punch that card...or touch..that...button, think about the long-term consequences. Safer to stick with George and Dick.

Friday, March 05, 2004

What's happening

with me. You ask. Can't wait to know. You say. Well, OK. I've decided that the Constitution allows me to take my clothes off and go grocery shopping in my skin suit. Why? Because you can't find anything in the Constitution that says I can't. Can you?

It guarantees freedom, right? Well, then what can be more free that freedom from clothes. Clothes have oppressed us as a society long enough. Besides, clothes were invented by Republicans in order to A) make a them a lot of money, B) promote racism by division among the people by selling different styles to different races and ethnic groups, and C) force their conservative Christian values of "modesty" on us. I mean, what ever happened to the separation of church and state? That was the whole point of the Constitution wasn't it? To protect us from religious zealots who would take away our freedom.

Who will tell me that I have to wear clothes when I feel they are oppressive and divisive? Only a hate-monger, that's who. Someone who hates those of us who have found the true liberty and happiness that comes from not wearing clothes. If clothed people can go shopping at any time of the day or night, why not unclothed people? It's discrimination, that's why. Against the unclothed. Because we are different.

Those who would try to keep us marginalized hide behind the word "decency." They say that not wearing clothes is "indecent." Just because someone isn't ashamed of their bare body, the body that God gave us, doesn't mean they are indecent. Unclothed people are decent people, and anyone who says otherwise is a bigot. What is the definition of decency, anyway? The Constitution doesn't define it clearly, so obviously it was meant to apply to both the clothed and the unclothed.

The time has come for us to throw off the shackles of the backwards American bigotry against unclothed persons. I heard there is a police chief in California who will order his department to leave unclothed persons alone, allowing them to engage in acts of civil disobedience such as walking naked around restaurants, schools, and public parks. It's time we ripped and the veil of ignorance and hate. We will not stop until everything and everybody, from Federal law to elementary school textbooks, recognizes the rights of the unclothed.

And if you haven't noticed, George W. Bush is a BIG fan of clothes. What more can I say?

Saturday, February 21, 2004

Welcome Saturday

Nothing like the fresh feeling of rising on a Saturday morning. I actually have this weird desire to get up earlier on Saturdays, like I have to cram in all--the--play--time--possible, because Monday is only a mere 48 hours away. But wait! What's this? A three-day weekend!? It's almost too much. I going insane-o with joy, frantic for fun, what to do--should I read a book, watch a movie, cook breakfast, call a friend, go get a nice cream, take Emily shopping, go for a walk, eat something yummy? My Uncle Dave's hot tub should be functional today, and it's got fountains and lights that change color! Ohh yeah! I'm drooling on my keyboard.

Emily has been talking to plants lately. She rescued a couple of smallish ones from the sale rack at Safeway the other day. It started out as a cute thing, talking to them in front of me to make me roll my eyes. But I was in the bathroom this morning when I heard the sultry voice from the kitchen: "Oh, you're all so tall! Look at you, you've grown two inches since I got you. You're so pretty." It's a side of her I hadn't considered, and it's not bad...just, creepy. What do you think? Being friends with plants a legitimate practice, or a hokey, anthropomorphic quirk--signaling the same kind of mentality typical of those who make their dogs wear sweaters?

Thursday, February 12, 2004

Another Post

Hi, Joe here with another post.

Yup... Just here....posting. Again. Ummm....something happened....and umm.....I think the world is so messed up...and....


I can't believe she said this....and holy crap...because I really like that's so true because, like, everything is so oriented towards mass consumerism....and Wal-Mart is lame....

So, like, I sent out a everyone....

Anyways, more later, keep shouting because...if you don't....then you just don't care about anything. At all. Ever. Bye.

Today and Everyday

Emily told me that no one would ever want to read my blog because I don't, like, post very often. In other words, I'm boring and it's not worth checking it out if I never post. Fine. I can change that.

I thought that maybe I was being courteous by not driveling out rivers of worthless slime everyday for everyone to choke on, only posting when I had something productive or interesting to say. But I guess that is not the point.

So, here you go world. Here you go, friends. Rain or shine, pearls or swine, diamonds or coal, plates or bowl(?!), the Plickog must go can come enjoy nothing but the most pointless, uninteresting, presumptious rants about nothing and something. Like the subtitle says, "Who would want to read this crap?" Apparently, you do.

Monday, February 09, 2004

Acceptance Speech

In the spirit of the 'grammies', I'd like to deliver the following: (except that I'm not a hoochie, dirty and I mean DIRTY rich, thoroughly uninteresting and mostly talentless, unarticulate windsack who flaps like a burlap bag on a pole while mumbling totally forgettable thank yous to my fellow sleazeballs who gave me an award because I sold a million records after a few million advertising dollars were poured into shlepping my crappy music to unsuspecting teenagers):

AHEM. Seeing as how I recently finished the most excellent, latest installment of The Legend of Zelda (Windwaker) for Game Cube, I would like to thank 1) My wife, for her good-natured encouragement and feigned interest in said game 2) my wife, for her loving patience and willingness to spend a night or two entertaining herself while I battled sundry monsters, creatures, evil lords, giant insects, etc., and looked for valuable items such as grappling hooks, empty bottles, iron boots, master swords, and of course, triforce pieces 3) my wife, for congratulating me with a smile upon completion of the aforementioned quest, while effectively hiding her inner rejoicings that the game can be safely put back on the shelf, never to see the light of our sun again, unless it is in the home of another mindless gamer who has paid us at least $20 for it. Thank you, Emily. You are my Princess Zelda. (weepweep, peace sign to the crowd, show everyone my shirt that has an obscure shout out to some obscure influence who's not really an influence, but all part of making my image a little more tolerable to those who are on to my pathetic fame game)